


Banging and fucking, and bottoms and asses aren't always synonyms.

by KayleighMcCamyo



Series: Groupchats of One Direction and 5 Seconds of Summer [14]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Crack, Daddy Kink, Hate/Love relationship, Humor, Love/Hate, M/M, Multi, Rimming, Sarcasm, Slash, Teasing, Trash Talk, banging, crackfic, dirty talking, group text, groupchats, pinning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-07
Updated: 2015-09-07
Packaged: 2018-04-19 15:57:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4752278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KayleighMcCamyo/pseuds/KayleighMcCamyo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis: ILL STOP THEM MYSELF OKAY I AM GOING DOWN</p><p>Luke: swinging, sugar?</p><p>Harry: pun, haha, pun, haha</p><p>Liam: shut up Harry</p><p>Zayn: this conversation is one big banging and rimming mess</p><p>Liam: Zayn I SWEAR ILL FIGHT YOUR ASS</p><p>Zayn: with your tongue i presume.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Banging and fucking, and bottoms and asses aren't always synonyms.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all so much for reading those trashshits, I never actually thought someone would, but this series has literally over 15000 hits and over 600 kudos. I love you all and thank you so much for commenting and leaving kudos, but mostly thank you for always coming back to read more of this trash. Yeah so like i know you are waiting for the real shitpost, so. I love you, enjoy the reading.
> 
> Edit: also I am very mad at Liam for the Attitude article. I have strong ffeling it's all PR/Management set up, Liam would never say something like this (we all know he's the number 2 shipper (right after Niall)), but to drag major part of your own fandom like this... So I just want to say, if you are a part of the glbt+ comunity like me (pansexual), don't worry about it, held your head high, fuck everyone and be yourself. I love you, you matter, and it gets better. You are not alone. You are never alone. And if you are, find me on tumblr - I basically live there, you can always message me up, talking about anything and everything.

Harry started a groupchat. He invited Louis, Liam, Niall, Zayn, Luke, Calum, Ashton, Michael.

 

 **Harry** : what’s wrong with your drummer

 **Cal** : do you want that list by chronological order, alphabetical order, or just from my least to most favourite?

 **Luke** : CAL DON'T BE RUDE YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO RUDE PEOPLE

 **Luke** : where is the lie tho.

 **Zayn** : what's going on Haz?

 **Cal** : WHAT HAPPESN TO RUDE PEOPLE

 **Liam** : if it's about dicks I'm leaving.

 **Luke** : I AM NOT TELLING YOU ONLY SPECIAL PUNKROCK PEOPLE CAN KNOW YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL PUNKROCK PERSON

 **Zayn** : not everything is about dicks liam

 **Cal** : I AM PUNKROCK HAVE YOU SEEN MY TATTOS AN D NY DICK,!?!?!?

 **Liam** : DONT FUCKIGN ATALK ABOTU DICKS THAT IS THE GOLDEN RULE

 **Zayn** : THIS is golden. 

 **Louis** : SOMEONE STOP ASHTON OR I WON'T HESITATE TO KILL THAT BITCH

 **Liam** : wow louis are you okay?

 **Zayn** : what's going on? Niall i told you we shouldn't have left them alone they can't live without their sexgod obviously

 **Harry** : seriously someone calm ashton down

 **Zayn** : ashton? I think you meant louis, he's the one whos freaking out

 **Cal** : this is the first time he has reason to, actually.

 **Luke** : im not going down there it's calming me

 **Louis** : LUKE LITERALLY HOW THE FUCK CAN THIS BANGING BE CALMING????

 **Liam** : i can't believe you said that

 **Cal** : LIAM STOP ENCOURAGING THEM IN BANGING

 **Louis** : NO NOT THE FUNNY TYPE OF BANGING

 **Luke** : Ashton and Mikey are banging.

 **Liam** : WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT FUCKIGN BANGING??!!??!!

 **Harry** : those are synonyms

 **Zayn** : i wanna be a part of this

 **Niall** : HI GUYS I HEARD BANGING I MEAN I AM IN LA WITH ZIAM ON THEIR HONEYMOON BUT I CAN BE THERE WITHIN 7 HOURS JUST HAVE A REALLY LONG FOREPLAY SO I CAN BE THERE FOR THE FUCKING

 **Liam** : we are there because we are writting songs for our next album, Niall, literally me and Zayn are just friends.

 **Niall** : I SEE THROUGH THE PR LIES LIAM ZIAM IS REAL AF

 **Liam** : Niall literally the f-

 **Niall** : I HAVE PROOF VIDEO AND PHOTOS AND TONS OF GIFSETS OF YOU TWO HEART EYEING EACH OTHER AND GETTING BONERS ONSTAGE WHILE LOOKIG AT EACH OTHER

 **Luke** : this is golden.

 **Zayn** : Niall you literally have your sextape in your laptop and we had threesome last night

 **Cal** : I’m moving OUT!!!

 **Liam** : ME AND Zayn ARE JSUT FRIENDS AND THERE IS NOTHING INBETWEEN US

 **Harry** : I love our band

 **Louis** : I hate our band

 **Luke** : I love your band

 **Cal** : I hate your band

 **Zayn** : i  am such a nice sex god

 **Niall** : UPDATE ME ON THE BANGING THAT'S HAPPENING IN LONDON

 **Liam** : NO NOONES GONNA TALK ABOUT ANY BANGING WHATSOEVER THERE ARE NOT GONG TO BE ANY DICKS IN THIS CONVERSATION

 **Cal** : well call yourself lucky, Michael isnt in this conversation. 

 **Luke** : yet. 

 **Cal** : is that a threat? 

 **Luke** : might be? If you wont stop being rude? 

 **Cal** : WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENS TO RUDE PEOPLE I FUCKIGN WANNA KNOW?!??!

 **Louis** : SOMEONE FUCKING STOP THEM FROM THE BANGING?!?

 **Luke** : No Li you misunderstood, Ashton teaches Mikey how to bang

 **Niall** : I EUZBVHFDNJKOIROVDFMORPOVKDF I AM PACKIGN MY STUFF AND I AM MOVING BACK TO LONDON

 **Zayn** : well from what Ive heard it isn't like Mikey needs some lessons…

 **Liam** : THE FUCK GUYS I THOUGHT WE AGREEED ON NOT GAYING IN THESE GROUPCHATS

 **Cal** : as much as i enjoy liams pain

 **Harry** : pun, haha, pun, hahaha

 **Louis** : shut up Harry

 **Cal** : Ashton is literally teaching Michael, how to bang, as of play drums.

 **Liam** : oh-uh.

 **Harry** : it's 5 in the morning here, and Mashton decided it's the best time to teach Michael how to drum.

 **Zayn** : to leave those shitheads in London was the best decision youve made in your entire life, Niall.

 **Niall** : …but… but i wanted to see them bang…?

 **Liam** : wow Zayn now you made our lil creeper cry.

 **Zayn** : OHHH NO LOVE DON'T CRY

 **Louis** : seriously is anyone gonna do something with the crazy drumming

 **Luke** : no it's relaxing

 **Zayn** : ILL FIND LIAM AND MAKE HIM CHOKE ON YM DICK SO YOU CAN MAKE ANOTHER SEXTAPE LOVE

 **Harry** : it's 5 in the morning i want to sleep

 **Cal** : please no i don't wanna hear anything about ziam rigth now i listened to larry banging for like 4 hours i wanna sleep

 **Zayn** : PLEASE DON'T CRY LOVE I LET LIAM RIM ME YEAH

 **Liam** : what have i ever done to anyone to deserve this. I have a beautiful girlfriend whom i love and i have decent family and i adore our fans i am generally nice perso why do i have to get through this every fuckign day

 **Niall** : RIMMING?!?!?

 **Luke** : *giggles*

 **Liam** : I-

 **Liam** : literally i quit.

 **Zayn** : shut up you love my bum

 **Cal** : LIAM SOTP THIS !!!

 **Louis** : SOMEONE STOP ASHTON AND HIS FUCKIGN BANG-BUDDY

 **Harry** : pun, haha, pun, haha

 **Luke** : shut up Harry

 **Cal** : WHY IS EVERYONE AROUND ME SO GAY

 **Zayn** : NIALL I AM SORRY I WILL RIDE LIAM FOR YOU

 **Liam** : Zayn STOP THIS OH MY GOD OKAY WE ARE JSUT FRIENDS I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS WHAT IS GOING ON

 **Luke** : no don't stop this is calming

 **Niall** : Okay I am calm now but you promised rimming.

 **Liam** : Niall no-

 **Zayn** : NIALL IS CRYING AGAIN LIAM THE FUCK

 **Liam** : OH MY GOD OKAY!!!!

 **Liam** : FOR FUCK'S SAKE

 **Harry** : this is golden

 **Liam** : ILL RIM Zayn FOR YOU NIALL OKAY JUST FUCKIGN STOP

 **Luke** : Yeah daddy

 **Liam** : LUKE NO!!!!!!!!

 **Louis** : SERIOUSLY STOP THE BANGING

 **Louis** : IT'S 5AM AND I WANNA SLEEP SOMEONE HAS SOMETHING AGAINST GOOD NIGHT SLEEP OR WHAT

 **Cal** : you didn't  say that 2 hous ago when you were banging Harry

 **Liam** : CALUM D ONT?!?!?!!!?

 **Louis** : ILL STOP THEM MYSELF OKAY I AM GOING DOWN

 **Luke** : swinging, sugar?

 **Harry** : pun, haha, pun, haha

 **Liam** : shut up Harry

 **Zayn** : this conversation is one big banging and rimming mess

 **Liam** : Zayn I SWEAR ILL FIGHT YOUR ASS

 **Zayn** : with your tongue i presume. 

 **Liam** : Zayn OH MYFUCKIGN GOD?!?!

 **Louis** : i am so proud of you Zayn you are the nicest sexgod

 **Zayn** : ikr

 **Harry** : guys you know i really ship zouis but can someone stop the banging

 **Niall** : never

 **Harry** : i meant the mashton action downstairs

 **Niall** : NEVER!!!

 **Harry** : they are playing drums, Ni.

 **Niall** : oh. Fuck that, i want some juicy dick action.

 **Liam** : NO DICKS AROUDN ME!!!

 **Zayn** : i promised rimming, not a word about dicks.

 **Liam** : OH FRO FUCK'S SAKE,!!?!!?

 **Louis** : SOMEONE STOP THE FUCKING NOISE!!!!

 **Luke** : no don't i love ash playing drums it's calming

 **Harry** : luke how is this calming explain

 **Liam** : I have a feeling i don't wanna know why is this calming for him

 **Cal** : i have a feeling it's gonna stress liam

 **Liam** : and calum

 **Luke** : Ash bangs me like that

 **Liam** : I-

 **Luke** : with his DICK!

 **Liam** : OH FICING CHRIST DOES NOONE HERE UDNERSTAND NO DICK RULE thiS ISN'T WHAT IVE SIGNED UP FOR THIS IS TOR TURE I AM LEAVING THIS FUKING BAND AND I AMMOVING OUT!!!!

 **Zayn** : you keep saying that for almost 5 years and youre still here so Liam, what's good?

 **Harry** : oh my god.

 **Cal** : wow liam how does it feel like to be not onyl dragged down by your sub, but also the sexgod?

 **Liam** : I-

 **Zayn** : wow cal

 **Zayn** : i am such a nice sexgod

 **Louis** : i am proud

 **Liam** : im disappointed

 **Luke** : i am jealous

 **Harry** : i am princess

 **Niall** : I WANT MY ZIAM WEDDING

 **Cal** : i am moving out because this is literally hell.

 **Louis** : NO HE IS BANGING AGAIN!!!

 **Zayn** : why is he even playing drum at 5am?

 **Harry** : it might have been my fault. He said he needs to practise, and even teach mikey something. I told him he can practise, but only gentle and nice songs.

 **Zayn** : …

 **Harry** : he assured me hell play lullabies.

 **Zayn** : …

 **Harry** : so now he plays Silent night.

 **Zayn** : …

 **Harry** : I might have accidentally forgot he is a drummer.

 **Zayn** : …

 **Harry** : since… we… don't have those… in… our… band…

 **Zayn** : literally sometimes i listen to you talking haz and i question all of my life choices that lead me into having you in my life and i have no idea how did that happen or how am i dealing with your dumb ass.

 **Louis** : same

 **Luke** : Harry don't you mind your boyfriends draggign you like this? Id be pretty mad.

 **Harry** : they are just misbehaving so I could punish their bottom asses.

 **Louis** : those are synonyms.

 **Luke** : jealous.

 **Liam** : NO O H MY GOD IS TOO EATLY FOR YOUR DIRTY KINKS!!§

 **Luke** : says the guy with dirty talking kink, daddy kink, rimming kink…

 **Liam** : NO ENOUGH OKAY ENOUGH!!!!!!

 **Zayn** : i am laughing

 **Liam** : WHAT THE FUCK IT'S TUESDAY NOT GANGUPONLIAM DAY

 **Louis** : every day is a ganguponliam day.

 **Louis** : i should know.

 **Louis** : i started them.

 **Luke** : my hero

 **Zayn** : i am such a nice sexgod.

 **Ashton** has joined the conversation.

 **Ash** : sorry guys what did we miss we were banging

 **Liam** : I know you were just drumming ash

 **Zayn** : yeah they told us it's just a pun

 **Luke** : wow

 **Louis** : they actually believed it

 **Harry** : whos stupid now, Zee-poo

 **Zayn** : …mashton were fucking right

 **Ash** : yea we’ve been on it right after my drumming session

 **Liam** : …

 **Harry** : i am laughing so hard

 **Liam** : …

 **Niall** : SO THERE WAS MASHTON BANGING?!?!?! MY FAVS WERE HAVING SEX AND I CULDNT WATCH?!?!?!

 **Liam** : …

 **Louis** : wait for it

 **Liam** : …  is this the real life…

 **Ash** : oh dear, liam is here too,  I am so sorry Liam

 **Liam** : s this just fantasy…

 **Zayn** : i can't believe you stupid curly long hair ass outsmarted me

 **Liam** : …caught in a landslide

 **Harry** : *kissy emoji*

 **Liam** : … no escape from reality

 **Ash** : Liam are you alright

 **Liam** : open your eyes, look up to the sky and see

 **Niall** : HOW DARE YOU FUCK WITHOUT ME THERE I TRUSTED YOU ASHTON I FUCKIGN TRUSTED YOU I WROTE ANOTHER CHAPTER OF CAUSE WE ALL MATER FOR YOU AND I DEDICATED IT TO YOU AND YOU DISRESPECT ME LIKE THIS,!?!

 **Liam** : I'm JUST A POOR BOY I NEED NO SYMPHATY

 **Zayn** : this is golden

 **Liam** : because im easy come, easy go

**Liam left the conversation.**

 

**Author's Note:**

> ....I live at punk-cocks.tumblr.com and please someone murder me there before this series turns 15 chapters. Please.


End file.
